Infinitely

To find an unabridged version of the truth through someone’s eyes nears on 
the brink of impossible, because we all see but hardly anybody really sees
and the easier thing to do is to remember it your own way as you close
your eyes in the dark.
As we swim in the unconsciousness we are reminded of our immediate
fears and watch familiar nightmares unfold methodically, relentlessly.
With the truth so easily altered and varied by a mere thing called perception,
what are we to trust and what are we to believe? She looks at you with
soft butterfly eyes and you tell her your feelings are true, truer than 
facts because emotion is purely existent from an intrinsic source. Its 
realness and magnitude, you tell her, is unquestionable, but you see
the doubt in her eyes and you want to break down the gate of tears
of the past and make her see the exquisite truth you are offering her.
If you could undo her gaze and tangle yourself up in its strands,
you would, but you see her questions, her pains and you hold her
hand and hold her close.
You long to be her truth and save her from her doubts; make her
see, one day, why you’re still there. 

Maybe the residue of unrepeated yesterdays haunt me to sleep
and before I know it, the light of the sun retreats into a changing horizon
Or maybe, it’s your whispers from a decade ago, in its candid sincerity
reverberating through my memory that I’d long washed away.
You didn’t want me to come with you, so I pretended not to know you
and made you cry and so I laughed in your face, not out loud, but
you knew. We stopped speaking and that’s when I knew, how much
I would miss your voice and your touch.
Scattered in the ashes, alongside the river that flows incessantly and
ever without pause, the echoes of your presence pinch my nerves
in my dreams. In the morning, I awake, limping and sometimes
breathless. To catch myself in the mirror in fear of being spurned,
so I reflect my darkest moments when the sun is the brightest, just so
I would be half blinded and incapable of understanding anything
less than the truth. 

When It Rains

A Continuum kind of morning
Ground and roasting, wafting through the air
I almost wish I believed in gravity
So I could hit the ground, like the droplets,
Splashing all of my life into puddles

But I’ve forgotten how it works
I tremble at the cold and shake in the draft
I’ve shed my old self at the cost of this one
Withdrawing from the remnants of days
Left far behind, lost in time.

Nature binds me to witness its tears
Reminding me of the sadness I left behind
In search of everlasting sunshine
And abandoned the feeling of falling
But now I know why, it rains.

There was an outbreak of sanity
In the greatest cities on earth
And chaos reigned the grounds
For what seemed like an eternity
It was only two days, three nights
Shameless, we all were,
In the truth we found ourselves in.

Will you shadow my regrets and resist my temptations?
Grasp my hair and pull be back into your chest,
Remind me of yesterday because it slips from my mind
More easily than my fingers sliding down the glass.
If you could unleash the demons inside my vice,
Free my castle of lies, mistakes and faults
Push me down, into the floor and shake me
Until I’ve forgotten my own name and only know yours
When the moon pushes the stars into the dark
And echoes of our thoughts collide and crash
Like midnight waves, bigger and louder than those
Under the sun

Unbeknownst to you, my dealings are illicit
And every moment we propose to inspire 
We ponder in the vapors rising in the air
Could you see me through the smoke,
Will you breathe in what I have let go? 
Light up, watch the flame, down to the ashes. 

The window sill, it’s my haven and my escape
It’s my way out, it’s wide enough to sit on
I can lean against the window, test the strength of the screen
I can open the window, taller than me
I can unlatch it, and there, my escape
Right in front of me

How easy it would be to step off the edge
To test, to challenge the logic of physics
Play with fire, sometimes better known as gravity
I am laughing inside
The ground is not far away enough
I need greater heights so I can breathe better

I can dream about escape forever
But how do I make it so I won’t have to escape?
How do I make it so a fall is not a fall from grace?
I don’t want to escape. I don’t want to fall.
I just want wings, that’s just all.  

I began to trace my footprints in the sand
In search of a place I had seen in a wish
Your voice echoes inside my mind but fades in the wind
I whispered stories in your ears and they became ours
We entwined our fingers and the following days
Together we lived among our dreams known as reality 

Stop my breathing
With your hands
On my heart

Please let go
Fighting for air
I can’t shatter anymore 

From the depth of my heart
Blackened with memories buried deeper than bottom
Rises lingering smoke from yesterday’s mistakes

Countless times those ghosts have come to haunt me
All of my moments full of joy have always been a little shadowed
That cloying whisper right inside my ears, ever present

Reminders of luckless happenings and twisted fates
Sometimes rattle my bones soundlessly  
Makes me curl up tighter in my bed

Closing my eyes ever so tightly
To shut out the dark and gate in the tears
So I can dream a little longer of hope, that I will never lose 

Despite the words that leave my lips, I am trembling inside
and I wish that I were lying.

I’m scrambling for the truth, listening for it in my own answers
but instead come up with breathless thoughts
and they won’t do.

I need words that would show you
every feeling I’ve ever felt and
every hope and wish I’ve dreamt.

So I won’t let go, I won’t stop trying
until both our truths, all of it
face each other
with nothing in between. 

Sometimes things don’t last
Each wave comes and goes
Lost in the next one as it passes

But if you can still hear
The sound of the ocean inside your heart
Then you,
You are not lost at all 

I used to be an artist until I lost my brushes
but that was after the world lost its color
But now that the color is back
and I itch to voice all the things I feel,
I have lost my inspiration.

You gave me the touch to make my heart quiver
but now it’s barely stronger than a breeze
I’ll have to start writing about imaginary things
before I lose all my words too. 

There was no coincidence in the way our bodies were situated
Not enough breathing space, you breathing my breath, me breathing yours
Struggling under your weight, your soft laughter tickling my ears
You know it stops my heartbeat when you whisper into my neck
We both know this was no accident, and we’re both in no rush to untangle ourselves
From each other’s weight and from memories weighing just as heavy
I’m about to break from the weight of this feeling rushing back into me
And so we collapse into laughter as my fingers crawl up your body
Another round of madness- laughing madness around the memories we share