Infinitely

A Year’s Worth

You gave, slain in sighs
Bluest whispers in the sunshine
Carry me down, uncanny words 
Reminders of broken walls
Walk through them, 
In faithless times
Shadows in your eyes

What I couldn’t see
Was what I tried to hold
Blinded by the sunset 
-In retrospect
Listening to the birds
Inside my walls

What if there were two moons,
One in the sky
The other, I saw 
When I was swimming
In between the waves
Captured in raindrops

Thousands- little lights

Unaware, all sideways
To be proven, first lose
A composition to taste
Well worn words
On the tip of your tongue
I believed it
-Even before you said it

Believe you

To find an unabridged version of the truth through someone’s eyes nears on 
the brink of impossible, because we all see but hardly anybody really sees
and the easier thing to do is to remember it your own way as you close
your eyes in the dark.
As we swim in the unconsciousness we are reminded of our immediate
fears and watch familiar nightmares unfold methodically, relentlessly.
With the truth so easily altered and varied by a mere thing called perception,
what are we to trust and what are we to believe? She looks at you with
soft butterfly eyes and you tell her your feelings are true, truer than 
facts because emotion is purely existent from an intrinsic source. Its 
realness and magnitude, you tell her, is unquestionable, but you see
the doubt in her eyes and you want to break down the gate of tears
of the past and make her see the exquisite truth you are offering her.
If you could undo her gaze and tangle yourself up in its strands,
you would, but you see her questions, her pains and you hold her
hand and hold her close.
You long to be her truth and save her from her doubts; make her
see, one day, why you’re still there. 

Maybe the residue of unrepeated yesterdays haunt me to sleep
and before I know it, the light of the sun retreats into a changing horizon
Or maybe, it’s your whispers from a decade ago, in its candid sincerity
reverberating through my memory that I’d long washed away.
You didn’t want me to come with you, so I pretended not to know you
and made you cry and so I laughed in your face, not out loud, but
you knew. We stopped speaking and that’s when I knew, how much
I would miss your voice and your touch.
Scattered in the ashes, alongside the river that flows incessantly and
ever without pause, the echoes of your presence pinch my nerves
in my dreams. In the morning, I awake, limping and sometimes
breathless. To catch myself in the mirror in fear of being spurned,
so I reflect my darkest moments when the sun is the brightest, just so
I would be half blinded and incapable of understanding anything
less than the truth. 

When It Rains

A Continuum kind of morning
Ground and roasting, wafting through the air
I almost wish I believed in gravity
So I could hit the ground, like the droplets,
Splashing all of my life into puddles

But I’ve forgotten how it works
I tremble at the cold and shake in the draft
I’ve shed my old self at the cost of this one
Withdrawing from the remnants of days
Left far behind, lost in time.

Nature binds me to witness its tears
Reminding me of the sadness I left behind
In search of everlasting sunshine
And abandoned the feeling of falling
But now I know why, it rains.

There was an outbreak of sanity
In the greatest cities on earth
And chaos reigned the grounds
For what seemed like an eternity
It was only two days, three nights
Shameless, we all were,
In the truth we found ourselves in.

Will you shadow my regrets and resist my temptations?
Grasp my hair and pull be back into your chest,
Remind me of yesterday because it slips from my mind
More easily than my fingers sliding down the glass.
If you could unleash the demons inside my vice,
Free my castle of lies, mistakes and faults
Push me down, into the floor and shake me
Until I’ve forgotten my own name and only know yours
When the moon pushes the stars into the dark
And echoes of our thoughts collide and crash
Like midnight waves, bigger and louder than those
Under the sun

To the two of you that said you’d like if I put up the screenplay I wrote, I’m flattered, just by your thoughts. You’ve convinced me. Guess that wasn’t so hard. 
I understand if you don’t get through the entire thing, or decide not to read it after all, but here it is.
If you do read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts. As of now, let’s just call it: “Letting Go.”

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Shine on, blush deep, blush like you’ve just stepped in from a blizzard
Your eyes always speak aloud, with brilliance that’s lit from the inside
Keep that spark lit, don’t ever let your embers flicker out
I love you for all that you are
In your timid shyness, you linger in the sunshine
All that you forget about yourself, I’ll keep safe for you
Shine on, and remember just this, with the way you shine, you can’t help but be found. 

Unbeknownst to you, my dealings are illicit
And every moment we propose to inspire 
We ponder in the vapors rising in the air
Could you see me through the smoke,
Will you breathe in what I have let go? 
Light up, watch the flame, down to the ashes. 

Blow trees in the wind and walk a few lines. 

Read what I write, but read what I haven’t written.
Everything is there if you just look.  

So tell me, have I crossed the line?
Have I lost my sense of morals and direction?
Do I know what I’m doing?

I already know the answers, at least for those questions.

The others will come in time.

What’s up next? 

We smoke illusions, speaking of mindless musings and endless thoughts. The night becomes ours and we linger in the haze a little longer, believing in something real, a bit of the truth to speak to us as we wait. The air turns white, our breaths staining the cold. Or is it those illusions? 

6:10 AM. I am not sleepy. But I should go to sleep because everyone else went to sleep hours ago and this isn’t normal. But I could stay up forever. But I’m not going to. But I could. But that would just be ridiculous. At least I’m going to bed before sunrise. That’s always a plus. 

These are the deflections of a leaning heart
Astray in the desires of understanding and losing oneself,
We have become fond of forgetting and things we must let go of.
Every breath that crosses my thoughts is drawn from the depths
Of the tomorrows that await between us, strumming my heartstrings,
Leaving little pieces of shadow inside my mind
Burning, flickering my memory at the edges until I can’t tell apart
Dream from memory, wishes from nightmares.